CHAPTER TEN

Speaking to the Duchess

"You just can't imagine how terribly glad I am to see you again!" said the Duchess. She put her arm in a friendly manner around Alice's, and they walked off together.

Alice was quite happy to find the Duchess in such a good mood. She thought that perhaps the pepper had made her so rude and angry earlier when Alice had met her in the kitchen.

"When I am a real Duchess," she said to herself, not sounding very hopeful though, "I won't have any pepper in my kitchen. I'm sure it's pepper that makes people get angry so easily," she went on, quite pleased with herself at having thought of a new rule, "just as vinegar makes them sour and sugar makes them sweet."

You're thinking hard about something," said the Duchess, a little loudly right into Alice's ear, "and it makes you forget to talk. I'm not able to tell you just now what the lesson of that is, but I shall remember it soon."

"Perhaps not saying anything doesn't have a lesson," Alice remarked.

"Tut, tut, young dear," said the Duchess. "Everything's got a lesson. You've just got to find it."

As she was speaking, she kept moving herself closer and closer to Alice. Soon she had squeezed up right against her.

Alice didn't like this at all. First the Duchess was very ugly. Second, the Duchess kept resting her chin on Alice's shoulder. What a terribly sharp chin it was, too! But Alice liked to be polite, so she accepted the situation and didn't say anything.

"The game's going on quite well now," Alice said, trying to keep up the conversation so that the Duchess wouldn't start talking about lessons again.

"Yes, it is," agreed the Duchess, "and the lesson of that is—'Oh, yes, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round.'"

"I'm sure somebody once said," Alice whispered, "that the world goes around by everybody minding their own business."

"Ah, well. I'm sure it means the same thing," said the Duchess. She was digging her sharp little chin right into Alice's shoulder. "And the lesson of that is," said the ugly Duchess, "'Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.'"

"How very much she likes to find lessons in things," Alice thought. She was trying very hard to understand this last remark.

"I'm sure you are wondering why I'm standing so close to you instead of putting my arm around your waist," the Duchess said after a while. "You see, I'm not very sure that your flamingo is friendly. Shall I touch him and find out?"

"He might bite you," Alice cautioned. She held the poor, tired bird tightly against her side. She did not want the Duchess to try such a dangerous experiment.

"How very true," agreed the Duchess. "Flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the lesson of that is, 'Birds of a feather flock together.'"

"But mustard isn't a bird," Alice pointed out.

"You are right as usual!" said the Duchess. "What a clear way you have of saying things."

"Mustard is a rock, I think," Alice said.

"Yes, of course, it is," spoke up the Duchess. Now it seemed like she was trying to agree with everything that Alice said. "Speaking of which, I'm sure there's a large mustard mine over here. And the lesson of that is 'The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.

"Oh, wait," exclaimed Alice. She had stopped paying attention to what the Duchess was saying, so she continued, "mustard is a vegetable. It doesn't look like a vegetable, but it is one."

"I do agree with you," said the Duchess, "and the lesson of that is, 'Be what you would seem to be' or to say it simply, 'Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'"

"I'd understand that better," Alice said very politely, "if it were written down. I can't quite follow it as you say it because I need to read it."

"What I've just said is nothing compared to what I could say, if I chose to," the Duchess replied. She was very proud of herself and she fixed her hair to keep it in place.

"Please don't put yourself through the trouble of saying anything longer than that," begged Alice.

"Oh, it's no trouble," cried the Duchess. "I'll even give you a present made of everything I've said up to now."

"That's a cheap present," thought Alice. "I'm glad the people I know don't give birthday presents like that." But she didn't say anything as she was careful to keep her thoughts to herself and not be impolite.

"Are you thinking again?" asked the Duchess. Again she dug her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder.

"I can think if I want to. It's my right," said Alice impolitely. She was beginning to feel that being polite was not so important any more.

"Just about as much right," said the Duchess, "as pigs have to fly, and the les—"

But to Alice's great surprise, and also her relief, the Duchess' voice stopped in the middle of her favorite word, "lesson". Alice could feel the Duchess' arm begin to shake. Looking up, she saw the Queen standing in front of them, frowning and unhappy like a thunderstorm.

"Isn't it a fine day, Your Majesty!" the Duchess said in a low weak voice.

"Now I give you a chance," shouted the Queen. She was stamping her foot on the ground out of anger. "Either your or her head must be off," she yelled, "Take your choice."

The Duchess quickly decided and hurried right off.

"Let's continue the game, then, shall we?" said the Queen to Alice. Alice, could only agree out of fright. She obediently followed the Queen back to the croquet field.

In the Queen's absence, the other guests had decided to rest for a while in the shade. But the moment they saw her approaching, they hurried back to the field. The Queen loudly warned them that resting could cost them their lives.

During the rest of the game, the Queen never stopped arguing with the other players. "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!" she continued to shout.

The people who were getting their heads chopped off were taken away by the soldiers. This meant that the soldiers had to leave their jobs as croquet arches. It wasn't long before no arches were left at all. Also, all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice had been taken away by the soldiers waiting to have their heads cut off.

The Queen, quite out of breath from yelling and screaming, went up to Alice and asked, "Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?"

"No," cried Alice in surprise, "I don't think I even know what a Mock Turtle is."

"It's what Mock Turtle soup is made from," explained the Queen.

"Yes, I'm sure that's true, perhaps, Your Majesty, but I never saw one or heard of one," said Alice.

"Well, then," said the Queen, "here's a chance for you to meet one. He can tell you the story of his life."

As they walked away, Alice heard the King say to all the people that they were all forgiven and wouldn't have their heads chopped off.

"Well, I'm glad for that," Alice said to herself. She took in a deep breath and relaxed. She realized that she had been quite unhappy and worried over the large number of head-choppings that the Queen had ordered.

After walking for a good while, the Queen and Alice came upon a Gryphon, who was lying fast asleep in the sun.

Now the Gryphon was an interesting creature and the most unusual one. It had the head, wings, and feet of an eagle but the body and the back end of a lion. It even had a tail. Alice had only heard of a Gryphon before in stories, but she knew that many people believed Gryphons had the combined qualities of both an eagle and a lion—watchfulness and courage.

The Queen, of course, was not like most people.

"Get up, you lazy thing!" she rudely shouted to the creature. "Take this young lady to meet the Mock Turtle. She needs to hear his story. Excuse me, dear," she said to Alice. "I must return to the game and see about those executions I ordered."

She walked off and left Alice alone with the Gryphon.

(end of section)